A Little Time

Getting up 15 minutes before 6am, this is not so common to me. I usually wake up few minutes after 6am during my working days. I couldn’t get myself to sleep before 4 o’clock in the morning for the last 3 days after my arrival from Germany. Definitely the result of my jet lag. I have been out of town since I arrived, no waste of time, I had to get myself busy… I only had few days to stay here so I had to get the most out of it. I think I had to thank my headache last night, because of that I was early in bed and woke up early today… no more jet lag (Haha!)

My first day of arrival was at night time, where my sister and my sister’s driver picked me up from the airport. It was my first experience to be picked up from the airport with a delivery truck! Such an experience, did my sister think I had so many luggages to bring home?!!! LOL!

Delivery Truck

Anyway, it was an unforgettable moment… and I am expecting the remaining of my days here in Philippines to be more fun!

So now I found a little time for myself, by drinking some tea while writing this blog.

I already had some plans for today, surely going to be a very busy day again… but I still had time to just relax and take my time.

I wish everyone then to have a great day… enjoy every moment because that is the only thing in life that is free.

A little sometime-cup of tea

 

 

A Little Break

Yesterday was a long flight, flying from Hamburg, I was walking at a long path of London Heathrow airport. I had a 3 hour stop and I used all the time to just walk around while waiting for my gate to open.

While I was walking around, my thoughts were somewhere, my heart still felt heavy.

I remember when I was driving for work yesterday and suddenly I just burst into tears. Then I was sitting at the front of my computer at work, I noticed some flashbacks. The pain is forever there… I could hardly concentrate from work and I was close to telling my chef that I needed a rest… but hey.. just few hours before my off, I had to be patient.

Finally on my way back home, it was like the same morning when I just burst into tears.

I can’t just take the pain away, it hurts so much deeply, as if it was cutting my heart and leaving a big scar in there.

Seeing myself sitting for a pause, I didn’t realize how long it took me walking around the huge and crowded waiting area of London Heathrow.

Now I am back to myself, trying to feel what I am feeling… but it was empty… as if I’ve already cried all the tears as if I left my country and also already leaving my past behind.

A new hope was built inside of me. I think it’s a really good start for me to have some time to think… and make a brand new start.

This is all I needed… a few weeks away, a little break, a little time. This is the moment I know I wanted to get myself back… and I am hoping, really hoping that this moment will help me never ever to look back.

Thank you…

I may cry all the tears

But I will bury them with you

Not wishing to look back

Because pain is enough

A little something for myself

Is all what I have

But I will stand proud

Because one day I know

Living without you

Will make me live

For at least one another day

So, thank you for all the tears…

Because it finally woke me up

It made me weak, yet stronger

It gave me new hope

One day I’ll say…

I’m finally on my own

Standing… without you.

Thank you.

Daz Journal, Copyright © 2019

Thank you 100 Followers

Hey guys! I would like to take this opportunity thank all my 💯 followers… it was just recently when I noticed it because I didn’t really pay much attention to it… so guys I really thank you, I know 100 is not really much, most of you probably already have thousands, but please keep on following! I’m looking forward for more posts and really great interactions… from the bottom of my heart I really thank you😍🥰🥰🥰

What’s Holding You Back In Making Your Dreams Come True?

My drafts were kept drafts for years. My life got stuck in a complicated world, my life turned mess. I’ve travelled many places but never found myself. I got lost to where I belong.

It’s been quite a long time since my last blog and I regret not giving myself a little time to write.

At this point of time, I am feeling ashamed of myself, for being me not being able to be what I should be, for being a person who has nothing to brag about but failure.

The truth is, there is something deep inside me that always bothers me, something inside me that is afraid to tell, to open up and to talk about. I am lost, I moved and travelled places but still I am lost within. I can’t bring my sufferings and tears out, nobody understands anyway. I can only scream inside and keep my tears to myself.

I am not a person of perfection, well I’m sure nobody is and nobody was. People see me like how they wanted to see me, and I see people very far from my distance. I see things as dark as my innermost grievances. I am nobody, I can’t be the person people expect me to be, I can’t go on living like everything seems to be well while it’s not, because deep inside me is a spirit that’s about to surrender, yet a fighting spirit that wants to move on. Yes, there’s one thing that keeps me from moving on, my dreams.

So alright I have my dreams. I guess it’s actually my dreams that made me nobody now, a dream that made me stumble, to stand again and fall, to keep trying and fall, to hope and to give up, to dream but to lose. Because of this, I was close to depression not being able to live my dreams, or maybe I am already there but a part of me won’t accept it. The truth is… I almost forgot the most important things in my life, my family, me being as a mother, or being a wife, and the responsibilities of both being a wife and a mother. Actually I’ve almost given up everything, I blamed everything or everyone around me, because the world isn’t fair, the people around me made it more difficult for me, or probably it was just me or what’s within me… me not being able to find myself time, or me thinking too much and doing nothing, or me just always blaming myself. I hate myself for this, but I can’t let my dreams just dreams. This is why I escaped myself from reality and rest my worries and fears in the air. At the depth of my thoughts ends a realization that there is nothing on earth that could save me but myself.

Despite all the obstacles, I am learning to cope my failures. I’m still trying hard to move on and live up with my dreams. I try as much as possible to give time for myself and think about what I really wanted to do in my life. At my age, I haven’t really done much to fulfill my dreams, but there were times when I really wanted to start doing things that I really wanted to do but obstacles always come along the way. Mothers don’t really have much time for themselves, because like me, I invested too much time for my child, not knowing I was forgetting my own.

And so is the reason for this blog, to reach out and probably inspire someone like me to go on and keep dreaming but also do something to make that dream real. A part of me says it has to start now, not yesterday, not tomorrow but now… or you will end up regretting not doing anything to make that dream come true… because if there is an opportunity, it has to be now. So if you are like me, please try to set aside all the things that’s holding you back, try sacrificing and live that dream you always wanted to, and if you fail, stand up and try again, you’ll end up realizing “at least you tried”… and the next time you’ll try, you “know” what to do… so keep trying, but keep moving, don’t give up because there is always hope.

One day you will see, you’ll be sitting with that dream you’ve always dreamed about.

So let’s start now, we’ll do it together.

Someday You’ll See

Just let me fall

Take everything all

Until nothing is left

Even my last breathe

My lost maybe your victory

But one day when I am gone

Someday you’ll see

Your biggest regret in life

When I am nowhere to be found.

Rügen, Germany

It wasn’t long time ago when me and my family visited Rügen (or Ruegen), a biggest island in Germany located located at Baltic Sea. It was just a 3-night visit, but I would say it was worthwhile. For some reasons, I’ve started writing about our tour here but at some point, I never got to an end-point.

I was at the midpoint of my ups and downs, but this tour has just refreshed the inner side of me.

The island of Rügen is part of the district of Vorpommern-Rügen, with its county seat in Stralsund. The towns on Rügen are: Bergen, Sassnitz, Putbus and Garz. In addition, there are the Baltic seaside resorts of Binz, Baabe, Göhren, Sellin and Thiessow.

Rügen is very popular as a tourist destinationbecause of its resort architecture, the diverse landscape and its long, sandy beaches.

You will find some photos below, I think the pictures say it all, as it has never been easy describing how such lovely this place this is.

Sellin, Rügen

The Ostseebad Sellin is a municipality on the island of Rügen in Mecklenburg-Western Pomerania. The municipality in the district of Vorpommern-Rügen is managed by the office Mönchgut-Granitz, located in the municipality of Baabe.

Ostseebad Sellin

You will see some dark spots on the sand, as on the photo above, it’s where experts of Stone hunters searched for Amber- the “Gold of the Baltic Sea”.

Amber is a fossil, fossilized resin that was secreted by coniferous trees in the Baltic Sea area about 40 to 50 million years ago. Under exclusion of oxygen, resin was preserved and solidified in layers of brown coal age – it was amber.

The amber has a low density, it is light and soft, so it is taken by the ocean current. Therefore, the distribution is very wide-ranging. There are various forms, these were caused by the different toughness of the resin. The color depends on the radiation of the light when it leaves the tree.

Amber is easily confused with other stones. To determine if it is amber, the stone is lit. In a positive sample, the stone burns very bright. That’s why he got his name.

Sellin, Rügen

The first place we visited in Rügen after Breege was Sellin, for me the place was very quiet but perfect for those who are just simply trying to relax and enjoy the air, sand, and water.

Sellin, Rügen

Binz, Rügen

Binz, Rügen

Binz is perfect for those who loves to shop, there are also a lot of selected nice shops and restaurants just around a few meters away from the sea. It was easier for us to find some nice Restaurants in Binz than in Sellin.

Sellin, RügenInside National Park

King’s Chair of the Jasmund Peninsula (Königstuhl) view from National Park

King’s Chair of the Jasmund Peninsula (Königstuhl)

The Königsstuhl or King’s Chair is the best-known chalk cliff on the Stubbenkammer in the Jasmund National Park on the Baltic Sea island of Rügen and lies at 118 m above sea level.

Bunkers can still be found during the World War II at Putgarten

Kap Arkona View from the top of the Tower in Puttgarten.

Cape Arkona or Kap Arkona in Germany, is a 43 meter high, consisting of chalk and boulder clay steep coast on the peninsula Wittow in the north of the island of Rügen. The area monument Kap Arkona belongs beside the fishing village Vitt to the municipality Putgarten and is one of the most popular excursion destinations on Rügen with annually about 800,000 visitors.

Tower at Kap Arkona

We went to the top of this Tower to see the nice view of Kap Arkona in Putgarten.

Kapitäns Häuser, Breege (where we stayed for 3 nights, at the back of this house is a nice overlooking view of the sea.

Port of Yachts in Breege

Breege

I just spotted this small house while we were strolling around Breege to look for some nice restaurants around.

Stralsund, RügenWe dropped by at Stralsund on our way back home and visited this small lovely city.

Panoramic View of Stralsund

Not only did I enjoy our short stay in Rügen, but also driving at a no-speed limit area (reachjng 200 kms. per hour) made our Journey fun!

You may check it out here:

Driving 200 kilometers per hour in Germany

What would you do when your Boss’ Wife comes out to the Scene and makes your life Miserable?

Photo Credit: Marten Bjork #MartenBjork, http://www.unsplash.com

I am not so proud to announce but I am really having a terrible day with my boss’ wife. Honestly, I don’t know what I did to make her mad at me. I’ll try to make the story short, it was my boss (the man) who hired me in the first place, whatever was written on my contract was an agreement between me and him, for example he agreed on my 24 day vacation leave per year despite of my request to make it 30 days. Others who had been working there for over a year had 20 days off a year. I actually worked only for him over the year, I handle around 5 to 8 Designers online at work and other encoders from Asia online.

I work 4 hours a day from Monday to Friday. My 1st Year contract at work was Probationary, but 2 months before my 1st temporary contract ends, my boss increased my salary because he said I was too good and my income was very low. My 1st Probationary contract was extended for another year.

In Germany, it is not allowed to give more than two years probationary contract, so my next contract this time should be a permanent one now. But before my contract ends, my boss’ wife sent me an email saying they will be offering me another contract, so I made an appointment with her to talk about it, and she asked me what I think how my performance at work was… I said I think I did great. Then she said that my boss (her husband) also thinks I am performing well and that is why he wants to keep me in the company, but she said she thinks I am receiving too much salary and vacation in comparison with the others who had been working there longer that I am. So she said to me that she would be rather hiring a German who speaks fluently with the same salary than I have (she meant because I am from Asia just like her, and my German language is not better than any Germans), so she said she will give me an option to work longer with the same salary and vacation, or have my salary reduced. She said if I will not accept it, he will have a separation with her husband and laughed and she said “it’s only a joke”. She said I don’t have to speak about our conversation with my boss, because she decides for it.

Photo Credit: Brooke Lark #BrookeLark @brookelark, http://www.unsplash.com

I had only two weeks to think about it, I told my husband about it and he said it’s not really nice what she does but I have to accept it to keep my job. So she sent me an email to follow up my decision, I told her I could not work longer than she requested so I had no choice but to accept her offer to reduce my salary even though I don’t think there is a reason to reduce my salary. She talked to me again and gave me another option to have my vacation reduced instead, from my original 24 days vacation will be reduced to 20 days. Looks like she was having trouble with the Finance Office to reduce my salary, so I had no option again but to accept a 20 day vacation every year. My contract ended on the 16th of March which falls on Thursday, then I should receive my permanent contract On the 17th of March which was Friday, but three days before my probationary contract ends she said I should not go to work on Friday since my new contract will start on Monday which is on the 20th March. I asked her why not on Friday, she said because she doesn’t give new contracts on Friday. I had no choice but to accept the offer.

Photo Credit: Asdrubal Luna #AsdrubalLuna, http://www.unsplash.com

As I received my salary, I found out that 3 days work was deducted so I asked about it and she said because I did not work for 3 days, even though actually Saturday and Sunday was no-working day, it was included in my deductions. I did not understand the point of reducing my salary for two non-working days, although I did not work for only 1 day because it was her request that I do not go for work. From the time I complained about my salary deduction, my stress with her did not stop, we exchanged arguments over email and I made some research together with my husband and I found out it’s not allowed to worsen a contract if the task and duty remains. Germany has strict rules and law on work, as I found out according to law, from the moment I got a salary increase during my Probationary Period at work, my Contract should have been automatically converted to a Permanent Contract, and the 3 days interruption after my probationary period does not actually exist unless it would have been longer than 3-weeks interruption, I should have received a full amount of my monthly income even with 3-days interruption. Even reducing my vacation is not allowed in German law since my task and duties remained the same.

Photo credit: Tom Pumford #TomPumford, http://www.unsplash.com

I’ve discussed the issue with my boss as I believe that he should be the one talking about it with his wife, but as it always turned out, either he’s damned too coward to talk about the issue with her or he just doesn’t want to have any arguments with her, so I guess I just have to do it all on my own. Since then, she made my life at work miserable. One day when my boss was not at work, I was surprised to see her come to where I work, she sat beside me where she actually never does because she normally works at a different office location. So she turned the computer on beside me and worked there and asked me to submit to her my report, ~ she obviously wanted to know what I have been doing at work, my boss never did this but I think it was fine so I just did it. After giving her my report I still had to explain to her what I do at work because it turned out she was lazy to read my report and she basically had no idea what I do. Looks like this made her realized it was not easy to handle eight designers a day (for a part-time work). Then one day, she asked me to be the replacement of my other office worker because she was on vacation for few days and I have to do the invoice and answer calls at the same time, however good I tried to be, all I received was her critics and there was not even a single warm appreciation on what I accomplished. Then another day, I called to tell her I could not go to work because my daughter is sick, I was surprised because she’d been shouting and yelling at me over the phone and she said I should resign, I asked why… she said because I just simply could not work… I said no and if she thinks I am not reliable for work because my daughter is sick, then she should terminate me from work~ which I believe she wouldn’t do, and she couldn’t do. As expected, she yelled at me again and hang up on me. In a month time now, I’d be 4 years at the company and I am not really sure why I’m still stucked there… my issue of having back my 24-day vacation per year is still not clear despite giving her all the information she needed.

Should I have any other option, I’d rather be just simply doing and working somewhere without such stress. I mean, it is actually the only kind of job for me right now which fits my schedule well, so searching for a different kind of job is not really an option… probably you have tips on what else I should do to get rid of my boss’ wife? Have you ever had such an experience? How do you handle such a situation? I’d just be glad and happy to hear any of your comments. 🙏

My Christmas 2018

This year’s Christmas celebration at home was quite special for me, probably because it was way different than how I spent my Christmas last year. I must admit I had too many downs for the year 2018, it’s my most difficult year ever, but on a positive side of it, this year made me stronger and I think a little bit more mature than ever and so I am bidding my farewell to 2018 with greater confidence and a hopeful positive future.

To all my followers who had been there for me, thank you for being on my toughest days and I am sorry for not being able to post often lately.

This Christmas holiday made me quite busy fixing my family 😃 spending more time with them and friends as well, this includes our very busy Christmas party together including going out, meeting old friends and drinking some Glühwein at Weihnachtsmarkt.

Glühwein Photo, a hot fragrant mulled wine, usually served at Christmas markets or Weihnachtsmarkt in Germany.

As a traditional way of spending Christmas in Germany, after attending the holy mass on the 24th of December, we opened our 🎁 Gifts as soon as we got home, then had our dinner, drinks and some chat.

Our next day Christmas, we spent it with some friends at home.

Tomorrow I’ll be in Hamburg Weihnachtsmarkt, glad there’s still Weihnachtsmarkt there because here in Oldenburg where I live Weihnachtsmarkt already ended on the 22nd of December.

I can’t wait for the night before new year comes because we will be celebrating it with some friends so this year’s holiday is quite very busy for me. I am looking forward though for 2019 as there will definitely be more exciting and unexpected days waiting ahead… of course I will keep you updated, so please stay tuned😃👍🏼

Happy holidays everyone!😉🥰

Christmas Party with friends

This marks one of the most important day in my life. Celebrating yearly Christmas party with friends and loved ones, knowing each other even more deeply than one could ever imagine, a kind of friendship we all know somebody stands by our side, a friend who listens and understands us… patiently, and accepts us for what we are💪🏼😅, friends who are still there and spend time with you even when you are down in the dumps, laugh with you, cry with you, fight for you and tell you the things you don’t want to hear because you simply need to hear it and realize it for yourself you made a mistake, and most importantly to say sorry because you really are, because despite everything you’ve done, there is always someone out there who accepts you just as you are. There is no need to say those words, simple gestures, simple look, simple smiles, simple touch, a simple hug, you realize you are loved. A kind of friendship nobody could break because even if you try to, it will only make that friendship stronger… together😃😜, I think that’s the essence of spending this Christmas party with friends whom you now consider as your family in a country where all of you were once a stranger and turned this place to your new home. I would like to thank all my true and real friends from the bottom of my heart, thank you for all the laughter and the tears, thank you all… for all the memories☺️😃 it will always remain in my heart.

To all my friends with love, DaZ

P.S. Each year we have our theme, and our chosen theme for this year was Cowgirl.

If you like to see how we celebrated our Christmas Party, please check this 20 minute video link I posted on youtube below:

Einzige Hoffnung

Deutschland ist mein Land

Philippinen ist mein Heimat

Soll es andersrum sein

Will keine vielleicht glauben

Mein ganzes Leben lang

habe ich in Deutschland verbracht

In Deutschland habe ich geheiratet

und habe mein Kind geboren

Bald ist sie schon erwachsen

Ich aber langsam werde alt

Das macht aber nicht,

so lange bin ich noch am leben

und meine Familie glücklich sind

Meine Heimweh spielt keine Rolle

Denn in mein Vergangenheit

zurückzukehren kommt nicht in Frage

Meine einzige Kraft, mein Kind

Was wäre ich, ohne dich?

 

 

Do dreams really have meanings?

I woke up and realized I was crying while I was sleeping. It took me a while to stop from crying when I woke up. My dream felt so true.

My dad was missing like over a week and my mom insisted to search for him, I advised her to stay home because there were already some people searching for him but she was unstoppable. And so off she went. But then she didn’t return home. Two weeks have passed but there was still no trace of my parents. So I went searching for them, but did not find them, it didn’t stop me from searching my parents, I was losing hope and I ended up bursting into tears.

I woke up with my husband and my daughter trying to stop me from crying. I was holding my breathe, it was just a dream but my tears didn’t stop from falling down my cheeks.

They asked me what’s wrong but I couldn’t tell them anything about it.

My parents live miles away from where I am now located, thank God for mobiles to keep in touch with our loved ones. My mom is suffering from Parkinson since years already, and my dad started forgetting a lot of things. I hurriedly sent my mom a message asking how she was doing. We had a long conversation, in fact she’s doing great. But she told me she got mad with my dad last night because was missing something he couldn’t find it and my mom was the only person he could blame. She said she wanted to leave home and my older sister asked her if she would pick her up. She ended up staying home though and said she will just forget it.

Well, now back to my dream… It’s not long ago when I started interpreting my dreams, I got used to look for the meanings on Google, until one day I realized I could interpret it on my own without looking for the meaning on the internet.

I actually used to have a small dream dictionary book when I was like 12 years old but people told me it’s an evil’s work and I had to throw or burn it.

If that is true, I asked myself, then why are dreams even interpreted on the bible? Jacob interpreted for example that he and Joseph’s brothers will be under of Joseph’s authority which actually came true after years.

My Parents symbolize my parenthood, they served as an example to my family. Here’s how I interpreted it: there might be an aspect in my life that is missing, my parents symbolized my parenthood or my motherhood, me searching for my parents as I interpret it, is my search for my own self, but I was close to losing hope, and me crying was the result of my sufferings, my extensive feelings of being afraid to be alone.

I tried to look at how I felt in my dream, it was so sad, and another way to interpret it is that part of me was missing my parents with a desire to be with them. I was scared, and so there is part of me that is scared in real life.

Last night I had a conversation with some of my group friends about my family, about home, and my mom.

I remember I’ve read somewhere that dreams are the effect of our subconscious mind working everyday even if we are not fully aware of it. Our feelings unexpressed, our thoughts neglected, eventually, depending how strong it is, will reflect through “dreams”.

I personally like to think that dreams serve as a wakeup call, it is our eye-opener, whatever happens ahead is already interpreted in our dreams only sometimes in a different way. It serves as a warning, or simply a manifestation of feelings and thoughts expressed in puzzles and codes, only it is up to us if we believe in it, if we listen to the signs and examine it’s true meaning.

Saturday, Week 45

My day starts today with green Tea flavored with Vanilla in my favorite cup😍. The aroma of the tea, hmmm delicious sweet Vanilla freshens up my body and soul, energizes my tired and stressed days of work over the week. So to start my Saturday, I woke up early at 7am (which is not my normal wakeup hours during the weekend), stretched up a bit and started cleaning the room of our two guinea pigs at home before giving them food, and now I am ready to drink my tea. What is waiting for me ahead? Well, it will be an exciting day for me today to go out with my daughter and enjoy our weekend with some friends, chill out and wind up, I’ll relax a bit, read my book while she enjoys swimming. What about yours? Hope you’ll also all have a nice one. Happy weekend everyone🥰

Join In The Fun! Join In The November 2018 Tea Party!

Join In The Fun! Join In The November 2018 Tea Party!

https://thelittlemermaid09.wordpress.com/2018/11/01/join-in-the-fun-join-in-the-november-2018-tea-party/
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Captive

Paint Photo by DaZ, Copyright © 2018, Daz Journal

From the foolish world of tricky men,

Treating wives as captive or his own,

Time will come indeed and be prepared

For once his captive be freed

This woman’s heart he broke

Soon will stand out from the crowd

Wait then till he falls off the ground

Her bitterness someday be vanished

For the time is yet but near

When she would call him her Prisoner.

-DaZ

Epic journey through 8 countries in a Bicycle(India – Sweden)

I was teary with this story😢, a proof of true love- it’s really amazing. This should inspire us all.

Inspire&change

The story of Dr. Pradyumna Kumar Mahanandia inspires us to believe that no matter how much trouble we face at last love makes everything possible.

Born in 1949 into a poor weaver family of Odisha, Dhenkanal who were considered untouchables, Mahanandia was a gifted artist. In 1971, he joined College of Art in New Delhi and gained popularity for making portraits.

In 1975, 19-year-old Charlotte Von Sledvin, a student in London heard about him and came down all the way to India to get her portrait made by him. Love had to bloom when Mahananda was touched by Charlotte’s beauty and Charlotte’s heart was won by his simplicity.

When it was time for Charlotte to leave, she asked her love to come along but Mahanandia had to stay back in India to complete his education and send his beloved with a promise to meet her again. He denied air ticket to…

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Happy Halloween

Halloween PumpkinIllustration by: Daz ©, DaZ Journal Copyright 2018

Are you ready for the halloween?

My halloween pumkin is ready,

So wear your favorite scary costume

And knock on my door…

Tonight is the most exciting night

It’s halloween time and let’s have fun

You can either hide or run

So be my guest, don’t be scared

Just step on the floor and knock on my door

Inside my house you will see…

A dark room to scare my guests a little

and some candles lighted on.

Just like you, I am also wearing my costume

I also have candies and chocoloates

So just say the words „trick or treat“

And you will get your sweets.

Illustrating myself

Just another Design I worked on Illustrator today, this photo appears on my Profile on this site and I just happen to cartoon myself using Illustrator, not an easy task as I had to work on fine lines. Btw, here I used a very old model of Intous pen and Tablet from Wacom. I’m aiming though to get a newer model of Wacom with a screen tablet or an Ipad Pro so I could work better on specific details (will probably take ages before I could get one, huhu). Anyway, I know I need more practice but let me still show you the outcome😀.

Please let me know what you think.Illustration-DazPhotoIllustrated by: DaZ on DaZ Journal, Copyright© 2018

Life demands a payment

There’s no such thing as free lunch- life is not a gift, it is an investment. – John Maxwell

Remember that in everything we do, at work – accomplish things for your boss; at home- do all household work for the family; friends-staying by their side, we invest in life, we learn that there is nothing we could accomplish in life without investing first.

Even our life, we owe it to God. We live to do something about it, to value it, to be productive, to be remembered, and not to waste it. One day when we are gone, only the things we invested remain, our life we surrender, our body goes back to ashes.

img_1565

Photo by: Daz on DaZ Journal, © 2018

A Mother’s Wish…

While checking on Instagram, I have read a post from someone I actually don’t know. It caught my attention because I saw it’s a mother who needs help for her baby. It breaks my heart to see babies suffering and surviving for life. I know there is nothing I could do but there is at least maybe something I could do to help. If this also touches your heart, please help and share. Again, I don’t know them, I just sent the mother a message to ask how the baby is doing, and found out the baby is still under treatment from Sepsis and Pneumonia. As of now their bills already went up to Php359,060.00 or an equivalent of USD6,705.00. I have linked the contacts of the persons below (mother and father of the baby) in case you need to prove their identity:

You may personally contact them here:

Leah Beck Caparas on Facebook (Messenger)

Jad Pao Santos on Instagram

Below you will see attached bills for hospitalization and medication, and the original post I’ve read (which also includes all the details to help them):

Any questions or comments are welcome, or you may direct you concern to the mother or father of the baby, as I’ve indicated above. I thank you all in advance for any help.

The art of waiting…

My day today turned out really well and effective. I woke up at my early weekday routine before 7 am (got up though at past 7am😃), had my daughter’s breakfast ready for school and went to work in the morning at around 8am, after work at 12pm I had to rush back home to prepare my lunch, while I was at the same time getting myself prepared for my appointment at BMW to have my car checked. I arrived exactly at my appointment time at 1:30pm at the service area, my car should be finished at 3pm. I had an offer for renting a car for 1 day if nobody has to pick you up or if you didn’t want to wait but instead of renting one to save some money, I just waited at the lobby. The girl at the service seemed to be surprised when I said I preferred waiting, but she was friendly and she offered me something to drink.

It’s always good thing to have things well-prepared while waiting, I had my book with me and my laptop. I grabbed first my book while drinking my coffee, I haven’t felt the time wasted. John Maxwell’s book of Leadership always keeps me inspired. After an hour reading, I took my laptop and started working on some illustrations. I finally finished my design which I actually did not finish doing at home. This you will see on my post scheduled for tomorrow (so please follow me to get updated👍🏼😂🙏). It was past 3pm when my car “service check-up” finished.

I rushed back home and my daughter was already waiting for me. She took care of her guinea pigs for a while then a few minutes later, I brought her to her friend. My friend invited me for coffee but I refused as I had to do more tasks at home.

I realized though that I become more effective working outside while waiting for something, like writing, doing designs etc., because I am more focused during this time as I did not have to worry about work at home. It’s sometimes hard to focus writing at home, because you see a lot of work waiting right in front of your eyes. As a mother like me, we never run out of duties and responsibilities. There’s always work waiting whatever area from the house you look at: the dishes from the kitchen, foods to be prepared, the sink at the toilet, the laundry, bedsheets, dusty table or cabinets and floor, garbages… and so on. There is neverending work, and the only time to rest and relax is after dinner when all of these are done after a long day’s work and when you’re already tired to finally go to bed. The next day is another usual day and unless we don’t take time to do some things we really wanted to do, it will always stay forever as a “want” and unaccomplished. Maybe there are a lot out there like me who sometimes postpone all the “I want to..”. If you don’t start it today, you can’t start it tomorrow. If you don’t start it today, you can’t finish it tomorrow.

Strawberry in 3D

Hi!

I’ve finally completed my Strawberry in 3D. Since I haven’t been designing for a long time now, it took me hours to finish this in 3D. I had to get myself back into practice. The result is not just as how I wanted it to but I think it still looks good. I got stucked in forming the seeds. But this is the outcome, just want to share it with you and I hope you like it. I would also love to hear any of your comments.

Thank you,

Daz

StrawberryCopyright2018

What stops you from trying?

Are you aware that there are things you haven’t done but could actually have done because you thought there was nothing else you could do? Or things you haven’t tried or stopped trying because you were afraid to do so and you did not believe in yourself?

There is something in this world that makes us unique, something from deep within that makes us a whole, extraordinary or special, not the looks, not the dress or the brands we wear on. Remember, we were born naked, without fancy make-ups or expensive clothes, and we were loved just as we are from the day we were born. Make-ups, gadgets, expensive clothes, shoes and every fancy things we wear covers all up our innermost beauty as well as it reflects our own personality and could make an impact on the things that we do or could do.

Sometimes it’s just hard to live without satisfying first our own needs and self-interest, thus making us greedy… and selfish… and discontented. We are too focused on other things without realizing what is actually happening within us.

Sometimes, or most of the time, we worry too much and we spend so much time worrying about the things we haven’t done, it’s time wasted. We are so preoccupied with so many things that surrounds us making us incapable of doing the things we actually should. We worry too much on how we should look to other people and even other people’s lives. But if we examine ourselves or take a look deep down our heart, and set aside all the things that hinder us from being what we really are or what we could be, only then can we realize there is something more in us, something else we are at the moment unaware of but capable of doing, something we are afraid to do so but actually could, or something we don’t know we are actually good at.

If we try to take time and think of the things that we value the most, or the things that are most important, and the things that matters most, and if we believe in ourselves, and try to at least go beyond our will and power, only then could we realize that there is something worthwhile we could do rather than waiting and hoping someday for it to happen. Only until then, can we see the true meaning of our existence.

Are you who you think you are?

Illustration by: DaZ Journal,  Copyright © 2018 ThinkingWoman?

First impressions never last. It’s true, but what makes people think we are a kind of person they think of? What makes us different anyway? How could we change how people think about us? The thing is, it is difficult to change how people think about us when they already had the impression of what we really are. Sad to say, most people judge a person by its cover, basically on how the person looks, or the way a person walks, dresses, talks, and eat. It’s basically a misconception on how every person is judged on first impressions.

But we can make a difference. Sometimes, it’s just by looking in the eye. Because what you see and how you feel reflects on your eyes. But the big question here is, are we really that kind of person that we think we are? Can we make a good impression on someone to make us think of the kind of person we want them to think us to be?

I was a silent girl on my younger days, and people judged me of being shy. I was actually shy as a kid, although I have tried to change that personality over years, I always still got the impressions of being shy from most people. These years, whenever I meet new people, I am not a shy person anymore, but as it turns out, people still judge me sometimes for being a shy one although I tell I am not. I think this personality from my younger years already reflected in my entire personality that I sometimes think to myself I maybe still am that kind of person. You see, I still have this kind of thinking that I couldn’t get rid of and so it reflects on my personality.

It takes a lot of effort to make an impression to someone of being someone you wanted others to see but it takes more effort to change that impression to someone. So try to examine yourself for a while and think, what kind of person are you really are? Remember, what you think you are is what you are. What you think of yourself is what others also see.

Will you forget the pain?

Crying over the Pillow Woman1So I am crying like hell again, crying out loud until I could wipe you away with my tears. And I promise to write until my words stab your heart deeply… until you realize the hell you have done to me. 

You may relate to this if you have read my previous blog: The End.

You may also follow me on Instagram and Facebook.

Inspirational Writing

A short reminder to everyone from one my favorite writer:

“Writing isn’t about making money, getting famous, getting dates, getting laid or making friends.  In the end, it’s about enriching the lives of those who will read your own work and enriching your life as well.”  – Stephen King

 

 

It’s the Kiss 💋

It’s the kiss that you need to let your pain 💔go away

A kiss that wipes away all the tears you kept inside your ❤️ heart

A kiss to remind you everything will be alright 💋

A kiss to comfort … and to let you know that you are loved 💞 🤗

The End

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When a moment of our time comes if one has to decide either to stay or not, when both partners realize their relationship freezes, when one gets cold-hearted, until one has to make it end. When lovers go, when promises are broken, when there is nothing left but hope and the rest of the hope fades. When one cries out loud and no one hears.

Love failure. Relationship failure. Marriage failure. Broken Promises. Disappointment. Hopelessness. Sufferings. Pains. Illness. Sickness. Death. Whatever you call it. Nobody wants it.

The more we try to save ourselves from any failures, the more we punish ourselves by denying to ourselves that something is going to change.

I realize how difficult it is for couples to break up. It has never been easy. It’s like losing everything we’ve got. For me, it’s over. My neverending story has now come to an end.

Daz Island Cove

I often ask myself,  how did it just end this far? I was screaming inside. My heart and mind were asking for it. None of us is happy about what’s been going on with us. And I gave up. I just gave up like that, and still giving up.

Well, the more I deny it, the more I lie to myself. The more I feel bad about it, the more I pity myself. It was the time when I feel like everybody gives me a head and brows up high that I have to bow my head down enough to make me feel like my head’s already touching the ground. It’s never an easy feeling because these are the moments when all I wanted to do was to stand up from that ground and let people know “Hey… I am standing! I am OK! I am fine! You see, I’m standing and I’m alright” and even behind these unuttered words are my sufferings, my pain, and my “HOW” questions. “How am I going to be alright, when all my life, I’ve given to this man and this man broke my heart, like terribly, repeatedly, treated me like a fool, and took everything from me even the small respect I left for myself. How am I able to stand up again proudly… like nothing is wrong, as if nothing bad happens, as if no heart is broken. How?

One time I was talking with friends and I hear rumours like these people know exactly what I am going through! And I just tell myself, for God damn’s sake, it’s about my life they’re talking about. It’s my life! So what.. I know I shouldn’t mind what other people say about me, but I know for sure nobody would understand exactly the way that I feel, because they are not me, nobody knows who I really am, what I feel inside, even if they pretend to and say „hey I understand exactly how you feel“… and I say to myself, no, you don’t! Because if you do, I wouldn’t be hearing all these rumours at my back. Well, even if we are both on the same shoes that doesn’t mean you know exactly what I’ve been going through and what I still am going through. Everyone’s life is different in its own different ways.

I know I chose this life, and this isn’t what I wanted my life to be. I tried to save it, believe me, I did, it failed once and then I tried to save it again, like I did a couple of times without success but I’ve been doing it all over again with the best of my power to save at least the smallest chance left, but there is really nothing left but dust, footprints, and shadows. How can you save a broken piece when it keeps breaking? No matter how I tried to fix every small broken piece, it keeps just falling apart.

How can you heal a wounded heart and start all over again, when there is not even trust, respect or love left.

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At some point, some decisions have to be made. I haven’t made mine yet. Because I’m still a prisoner of my own…. and that makes me a coward, I know and I’m aware of that. I can’t move forward, because I’m not prepared to, and I didn’t want to face the reality. Even though people kept telling me to go on with my life so I could move on, it seems like there was no chance left at all, but this is my reality, you can’t force someone to do things that are not prepared or capable of doing, and that makes me sick. But I didn’t want it. It just happens, it was out of my hands and it’s driving me up to the wall.

I learned that in times of struggle, evil people could be around. I meant evil because whatever kindness you show people, there are a lot of people out there who sticks their nose and eyes and lips around. Not the nicer ones. But they’re everywhere. And so our life becomes miserable than it already was. I guess I am not alone in this world, people may not agree on all my thoughts and I don’t want to blame them for that.

The truth is there are times when you wanted to keep your privacy, and you don’t expect anybody to understand your personal intentions. So if you have friends who really wanted to be called your friends but eventually you lose them, I’m pretty sure that at the end of the day, the best one always stays by your side.

The dark side will soon come to an end, I was hopeful for that. It’s not every day that we have trials in life. Not all endings have to end without a meaningful reason. There is always a good reason why some things end. In order for us to start a new life. But it takes a lot of guts and energy to overcome a broken relationship, it takes time to prepare for the new life, only if you leave your past behind and think that the tomorrow waiting for you is better than “yesterday”.

Without losing hope, I stand still with head up high and there is light. A light that gives me hope, leaving me something in the back of my mind the effort to move on, and go ahead on my dreams. This is where I’ve come to this point stressing out the message that life begins when you first fall down the ground, then learn to stand on your own and see the true meaning of life.

https://www.facebook.com/dazjournal/

DazJournal, Copyright 2018

 

Budapest singing in my heart

Pick pick pick

Fingerpicking

Strumming up and down

Eyes closed

Lips singing

Hearts floating

Your body moves in

Every beat of it

All over the crowd

Glasses of wine cheering

While lips whisper the words:

“Because you’re mine I walk the line”

A Surprise Journey

Special day for two broken tied hearts

Sun hides underneath the heavy clouds

Wet roads burst while running car speeds up

As heavy raindrops splatter on the rooftop

Excitement arises when destination is a question mark

Road signs puzzle up getting closer or not

Buildings, Hotel, City, Harbor, Port and parking lot

Wheels parked, feet landed, sights at the ship on the dock

Clues and signs everywhere heart beats fast

While the ship says destination is Helgoland,

Eyes sparkle with smiles on the face, a dream comes true at last

This Germany’s smallest island in northern sea to be found

The island is reachable either with a plane or a ship

Hotels are everywhere, shops, restaurants, bar and a lot more

Whether to jog, swim or relax, never miss to see “Lange Anna

A day tour or overnight, it’s always worth a visit

Continue reading “A Surprise Journey”

The night

It was a night when drinking whiskey and fragrant grape based pomace slowly closes her eyes. Her head slightly drops down over her shoulder while the stars exposes itself behind the dark clouds and the starlight kisses her brown cheek a sad goodnight. Her body retires from a midnight crowd while the breeze of the air that surrounds her whispers a soft farewell to the moonlight.

Shattered 🙇‍♀️ 💔 🤦‍♀️

Reblogging my blog…

DaZ Journal

A silent mind bearing shattered memories

Heavy thoughts capture the past

A heart in grief breaks in pieces

And lonely eyes overflow with tears

Yesterday was a thousand miles to look back

Heavenly moments while young at heart

When body craves for a gentle touch

Warm embraces never to miss out

Dark clouds shimmered in the sunlight

Noisy laughs silenced the curious crowd

A real friend to trust, to touch and to hold

All worries and doubts fall out of sight

One single glimpse need not to say a word

Promises to keep no secrets to be told

Years and moments together when life was tough

Unbreakable trust built longer than enough

For one must go and bid a sad farewell

Yet distance won’t keep any bonds apart

When a missing piece is found, only time could tell

Two random lives no passersby could understand

Love spreads out and wilderness…

View original post 142 more words

Shattered 🙇‍♀️ 💔 🤦‍♀️

A silent mind bearing shattered memories

Heavy thoughts capture the past

A heart in grief breaks in pieces

And lonely eyes overflow with tears

Yesterday was a thousand miles to look back

Heavenly moments while young at heart

When body craves for a gentle touch

Warm embraces never to miss out

 

Dark clouds shimmered in the sunlight

Noisy laughs silenced the curious crowd

A real friend to trust, to touch and to hold

All worries and doubts fall out of sight

 

One single glimpse need not to say a word

Promises to keep no secrets to be told

Years and moments together when life was tough

Unbreakable trust built longer than enough

 

For one must go and bid a sad farewell

Yet distance won’t keep any bonds apart

When a missing piece is found, only time could tell

Two random lives no passersby could understand

Love spreads out and wilderness bear

Make dreams real, no doubt no fear

Life’s a gift wrapped with joy and wonder

Loneliness breaks with sweet cries and laughter

 

Life turns mess ruined by a mystery

A shattered dream, a hopeless reality

Leaves fall down and daylight wane

Nightmare sorrows and moonlight pain

 

Lost in the dark, mind overblowing in despair

Just cry out loud for nobody seems to care

Beneath those floody eyes are shattered dreams

Whispers of hope, anger burns in flames

 

Wounded once, wounded twice then all over again

Promises to keep fades away in vain

For a voice within yells in grief and sorrow

Look into the eyes and see no hope for tomorrow

 

Behind bitter smile’s an unuttered wish

Someday somewhere to find hidden happiness

Bring back the past to wipe away a tear

Til tears run out to take away the fear

Don’t let your Dream just a Dream

It all started with a 💔 broken heart, when I almost gave up and saw nothing but a useless creature of my own.

I was tipping on my keys during my break time at dawn, when unknown commercials pop up on my screen, the one I always ignored when I was so in love, one day it hit me when I was broken-hearted. So that’s it, I answered some questions when I thought a minute actually took ten minutes to finish.

Getting ready for new experiences, a lot of messages I just ignored. Only one message took my attention, I scanned the profile but I didn’t understand a word. It was written in German. It was the only thing that took my attention because of the language I never spoke. Years passed and the German language I never spoke and understood became my third language and my daughter’s first language. Now looking back from how this all started goes back to another broken 💔 heart. Those days and years in between were tough, not how everybody expected it. I don’t actually look back to regret, but I had to thank those hard moments for what it made me now. It made me stronger, self-reliable and a dreamer. Without a doubt I struggled, yet I was moving on. For without those tough times I would not be what I am now. From a person of zero experience in life— to a traveller, a wanderer and a dreamer. Life is not how we always expect it to be, but life can be how we want it to be.

Live your dreams, don’t regret the past, because there is nothing we could do to bring it back. Past is past, look instead of the future that waits ahead because there is more to it than how we see it, there is more to life when we stop regretting. Treasure the hard times, be brave and be strong at your toughest moment for that is your only way of success, remember that there will never be success if there’s no failure.

DSC_6024Copyright © 2018, DaZ Journal

So just dream, cross the ocean, climb the highest mountain, fly high, do what people never expect you to do, do the things you love… dream! But don’t let your dreams remain a dream. One day you will see, a dream fulfilled is a dream that was in mind, heart and soul, and the one you worked hard for.

The Touch of 🇬🇷 Greece

Today I looked up on you, I wish you could take me high and never bring me back to where I’ve been.

Your kiss on my naked feet whenever I walk down on you, your warm touch under my skin when I lay down to feel you. It tickles my ears when you whisper, the lovely sight of you whenever I open my eyes, the warmth of your breathe I got locked away on your irresistable touch… It makes me feel at home.

If only forever I can stay with you, I need this time to be with you. Get over with my ups and downs to feel you release my grief, take you with me wherever I go.

Remember me when I leave, this place will remain a dream. I might lose you but your memory stays with me deep within. You made me share my thoughts and release my feelings, made me brave to live my dreams, you made me who I am again.

I know I will not forget you… I am leaving with tears on my eyes because I know I will miss you.

Here I laughed, I smiled and cried.

This place welcomed me with smile.

Written in Club Calimera in Greece on Oct. 12, 2016, 13:05

If you like this page, you may also like it here: https://www.behance.net/gallery/49689293/Greece

©️ 2016-2018 DaZ Journal All Rights Reserved

Screaming Inside

 

My heart is beating like a drum again, exploding like a bomb, like a storm that suddenly wants to fly into a rage, a prison on my own cell, and a bird wanting to get out of its cage. I want this trials gone, I need it no more, please let it go, let me be, why does it have to be me? I can feel the pain, it’s screaming inside… I’m crying inside, now I’m crying out loud… but I see no tears coming out. It’s all gone, now I am numb. I’m still standing, yes I am, but shall I thank you God? Because you let me live when there seems to be no reason to live at all. Oh I see, it’s my child that needs me… but someday when I am old, will leave me. Or shall I ask for hope, when it’s what i lived for all my life and ended up being miserable. Why are there no answers to my questions? What is this life I am living for? When all I have is suffering, when will it end? Let me know, let me believe in hope, let me see and experience once again the life I wished and longed for, the life I had and wish I could still have… for this is the only simple reason why I live… a little chance,  a little hope that is close to vanish. Well, maybe not in this life… honestly, I wish nothing more but “peace and harmony”.

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  • Copyright 2014, DaZ @ www.dazjournal.com, All Rights Reserved.

My Comeback

Hi,

It’s been a long year since I’ve been gone. Now I’m getting myself prepared for  more posts and I hope 🤞🏼 this time for long and great posts… To be honest, I’m more than excited to share to you my experiences from different places around the world! Wow! This includes my trip to Austria, Italy, Nice, Monte Carlo, Hungary, Slovakia, Czech Republic, France, Belgium, Luxembourg, Netherlands, UK, Denmark, Poland, Spain and Greece! Definitely a lot more in time… I really have lots of stories to tell so please, watch out! 🙂

Yours,

DaZ

Fantasy..

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Drinking white coffee with black cream, while inhaling the cold yet warm breeze of the air from outside. The sun comes out turning blue skies into red, bright daylight but why do I see it all dark? My mind lifting down my body, so low I could almost get myself drowned. Hoping for hope when there is actually none, what else have I got rather than this fantasy of mine? Thinking hard, thinking far, I could go everywhere even if it’s only in my mind. This story of mine will take you wherever your mind will get you. Just go ahead and dream. Nothing is impossible, just like my white coffee and black cream. If you feel like nothing seems to be real in the actual world, then come and read my story… how far will you let me take you?

Screaming Inside

Continue reading “Fantasy..”

Apple

I was just in the midst of transferring my old files to a new laptop when I found my old apple design (made it last year) and I just thought about sharing it to you. It’s been a year since I haven’t made any posts.  Well, just a short reminder to everyone… it’s cold season again and many get sick. Avoid having colds this season… an apple a day keeps the doctor away! I guess I also need one:) Stay healthy!

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Simply Beautiful

Only Yesterday

Here’s a Valentine special for everyone. I just wrote this few months ago and I wanted to make it a song… but since time isn’t always enough for me, I ended up making it a poem. 🙂

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Only Yesterday

I can’t remember the years that passed,

It was like only yesterday

Your face is clear in my memory

Your voice, far and distant.

Throughout the years, the memories remain sweet and fresh

I wanna see them again

I wanna hold and feel the same

So many years have passed I know

But the feeling didn’t seem to change.

It was like only yesterday,

It’s been a long time

And I am missing it over and over…

So amazing feeling, I wanna feel your heart close to mine.

Oh yeah, years have passed but your touch…

It was like only yesterday,

Your sweet embraces, still fresh in my memory

I could always go back to those sweet memories.

Yes, it keeps coming back to me

Like only yesterday, your kiss, your touch…

Your sweet embrace…

I can still see the trace of smile on your face,

Deep inside I know you were mine.

Ten years have passed and they’re still fresh,

It was like only yesterday.

Now we’re growing old, I know…

But the memories of you,

Your love and my love, it will never fade…

Forever I hold you in my heart.

Continue reading “Only Yesterday”

Winter Theme

One of my homework in Graphic Design includes mixing colors by cutting 2×2 cm size from a magazine and arranging them creatively. I finally edited it in a computer to make a clean work. I chose the four seasons as my theme and I’m posting here my favorite work. Here’s what I’ve came up with.

Winter Mixing colors blue, white green, red
Winter Theme: Snowman on the background, made of mixed combinations of photos of white petals, flowers, water, clouds, mountain and a person skiing in red outfit.

This is one of my favorite artwork. Love to know what you think about it:)

You may also open the image in pdf file by simply clicking this: WinterFarbe02

Copyright 2015, DaZ @ www.dazjournal.com, All Rights Reserved.

Christmas at home yet away from Home.

It’s been quite a long time since I’ve been away from Home. Yes, I haven’t been spending Christmas at my country home for like 7 years now. Living in Germany for almost 8 years now doesn’t mean I already forgot my hometown, Philippines. Although I really love Germany, nothing will ever compare to my hometown Philippines, where I was born and grew up, it’s where my families are, my parents and my sisters, relatives and friends. For me, that’s what the spirit of Christmas makes it really special. Well maybe I am just homesick but Christmas (or “Weihnachten” as they call it) in Germany is really different. Well, it’s like this… the preparation for Christmas in Germany starts on December 1, but some people in some parts of Germany already make preparations before December 1. During this day, kids receive their “Adventskalendar” which they have to open everyday until the 24th of December. Weihnachtsmarkt or Christmas Market can be found in all cities. This is celebrated during the four weeks of advent. Some cities like AugsburgDresdenErfurtFrankfurtNuremberg and Stuttgart, are famous for their Christmas markets and are popular for tourist attractions during Christmas holiday season.

We also celebrate St. Nicholas Day in Germany (Nikolaus) which is held on the 6th day of December. It is tradition for kids to clean up their shoes the day before Nikolaus comes on the 6th day of December. Kids then receive small gifts from Nikolaus which are found on their shoes early in the morning. The “Advent” in Germany is observed every first Sunday of December where it is a tradition to prepare four candles on the table and one candle is lighted up on the first Sunday of December. On the 2nd Sunday of December, two candles are lighted up, 3 candles on the 3rd Sunday and four candles on the 4th Sunday. The Germans celebrate two Christmas nights. On the 24th of December, it’s tradition for Germans to go to church before the holy night or “der Heilige Abend“. After going to the church, we prepare dinner while kids are too excited to look for their gifts under the Christmas tree. Kids should wait for the adults to come before opening up their gifts, only until everyone is ready could we open up our gifts at the same time.DSC_4074Taken on the 24 December, at 6:30pm in Germany…

Dinner is served after opening of gifts. In Germany, we don’t serve too much on the table. We serve only what we could eat, as Germans prefer not to have left-out foods. Usually we eat something simple or traditional foods during Christmas. Typical foods like roast goose or duck stuffed with apples, chestnuts, onions or prunes, or red cabbage with onions and apple, while some people in other parts of Germany prefer to eat turkey, or beef, venison or wild boar. Any of these combined with boiled potatoes or dumplings makes the meal for Christmas special.

After dinner, kids still have time to play with their toys or gifts they received from Santa. The second day of Christmas is celebrated on the 26th of December, Germans call it “der zweite Weihnachtstag. No more gifts, but we still spend dinner together on the holy night of December 26th. In some parts of Germany, some customs and traditions are still still observed on der zweite WeihnachtstagWhile many of Germany’s Christmas cultures and traditions are adapted in many countries, Christmas in Germany for me remains special and unique.

In Philippines, Christmas preparation already starts even two or three months before Christmas. This is noticed when the month of September already starts. You may already notice on the malls Christmas lights and lanterns being sold and even on the streets, you will already find Christmas lights, lanterns or “parols” decorated in every corner of the street. A very nice report from CNN “The Philippines shows the world how to celebrate Christmas“, explains how Filipinos celebrate Christmas, and one of the worlds longest festive season in the Southeast Asian island nation. This is why Philippines always remains a mark in my heart, it leaves a special place that nobody or nothing could ever take its’ place. Not to forget decorating the Christmas trees at night at the month of September, the Simbang Gabi that we used to attend nine consecutive nights before Christmas, the smell of putobumbong on the street, the Christmas carols of the children heard in every street corner, and what makes it more special? My family, our get-together and dining together during the Nochebuena (Christmas Eve). My parents has to drive all the way from our province in Pangasinan, the northern part of Luzon to the southern part of Luzon in Cavite so we could all get-together and spend Christmas together. My parents normally serve bunch of foods on the table like lechon, putobumbong, bibingka, barbecue, suman, turkey, hamonado, leche flan, spaghetti, macaroni salad, quezo de bola, grapes, bananas, ripe mangoes, puto, pancit, pancito molo, and many more. This is very different in Germany, because Filipinos like to serve lots of foods on the table. Exchange gifts are also common, but for Filipinos, we don’t really mind of not receiving Christmas gifts.  Although my parents never forget to give us gifts, we understand if we don’t receive any as we know and we are taught that there are lots of children on the street who starve and do not even receive gifts on Christmas. It is however important for us that we are altogether during Christmas. Our presence is very important as this is one very special occasion that we should all unite, an occasion we should not forget when Jesus Christ was born.

Screaming Inside

My heart is beating like a drum again, exploding like a bomb, like a storm that suddenly wants to fly into a rage, a prison on my own cell, and a bird wanting to get out of its cage. I want this trials gone, I need it no more, please let it go, let me be, why does it have to be me? I can feel the pain, it’s screaming inside… I’m crying inside, now I’m crying out loud… but I see no tears coming out. It’s all gone, now I am numb. I’m still standing, yes I am, but shall I thank you God? Because you let me live when there seems to be no reason to live at all. Oh I see, it’s my child that needs me… but someday when I am old, will leave me. Or shall I ask for hope, when it’s what i lived for all my life and ended up being miserable. Why are there no answers to my questions? What is this life I am living for? When all I have is suffering, when will it end? Let me know, let me believe in hope, let me see and experience once again the life I wished and longed for, the life I had and wish I could still have… for this is the only simple reason why I live… a little chance,  a little hope that is close to vanish. Well, maybe not in this life… honestly, I wish nothing more but “peace and harmony”.

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  • Copyright 2014, DaZ @ www.dazjournal.com, All Rights Reserved.

When life gets busy

Alarm bells started to ring when my internet connection got lost.  I was so busy surfing, when my internet went down. I realized how hard it is to live without internet. This is where my world already revolves. Internet makes a very big impact on my life. Life becomes different for me without internet, even having my Photoshop software to do some work, or my book to keep me busy and even having my notes around to write down my tasks and list down my expenses. It’s like a slap on the wrist. Is it just really me? Or the just how life already is in this generation?

When life gets busy
When life gets busy

So, hurrah! I got my internet back! It turned out I had to request from the owner of the apartment where I was staying at to get connected again. It was like a catch 22 situation when you wanted to get something done and you could not.

Now is the time to keep myself busy again. I just could not ignore the feeling of having without internet. Is it just me? I guess somebody out there feels the same. Would love to hear a penny of your thoughts.

Smiling Shells and Broken Rubik

Life is a struggle we have to live on. There are times when we are at our most happy moments, and times at our worst.

My five year old girl daughter draw some smiling faces on the small shells and placed one smiling shell on her broken Rubik’s Cubes. These shells appeared to be smiling faces to me, while the broken Rubik looked to me like a mystery and the puzzles in our life. It attracted my attention so I thought it would be nice if I could take it a shot.

Smiling Shells and Broken Puzzle
Smiling Shells and Broken Rubik’s Cube

Whenever I take a look at these faces I can only think of happy people, happy faces, happy life. But not everyday are like these faces. Like a broken Rubik’s cubes on the photo, we have our missing pieces, broken hearts, and hard times. Those missing pieces are gone. Only until we search for them could we solve the puzzle. If we don’t fix our problem, they can’t be fixed. If we don’t face the trials, we end up broken and struggling. But that is life. We live in mysteries. We can’t prevent things to go wrong, we can’t make the wrong ones to be the right one, we can’t always live a life we always wanted, just as we can’t always get everything we wanted. We can’t simply make impossible things possible!

A person having all the wealth in the world doesn’t end up being happy forever. For some reasons, they end up being stressed from work, being alone or no honest friend to talk to, no family,  or whatever any other reasons.

A happy family stays happy, because they always stick together. But this happiness ends up until one has to separate because of the unpredictable reasons this world brings.

What about lovers being in love for so many years and after long relationship they fall out of love?

When we look at our innermost self, we are happy, yet we try to look again deep in our heart and we find ourselves weeping, begging and mourning. Although there are times when we wish we could just simply forget those happy moments because sometimes remembering them is simply the most painful of all, knowing that they’re all over and the only thing we could do is wish we could bring the past back. We end up living to the memories.

Life has its ups and downs. Despite of all the trials and troubles that come our way, we struggle, even the most happy days could all be gone in a second. Because we live in a world full of mysteries… and only those who are wise enough survive and live life to the fullest, like a smiling piece of shell on top of the broken Rubik’s Cube.

Thoughts About the Past

“Thoughts About the Past”

My Journal

Thoughts About the Past

Summer 2007

Have you ever thought about writing a story about your real life and just as when you start thinking about how you want it get started, you’ll never get to the end point? I’ve always dreamed about having my story read in a book but never got the chance.

Well, how about starting with a goodbye kiss? Interesting, isn’t it? Here’s how it goes…

He was driving me off for work when he grab my left hand with his right hand and placed it sweetly and softly in his chest. I knew from the time before he took my hand that it’s gonna be the last time I would ever see him again… even if I wanted to, I have to make it last. He probably noticed my long hard breathes and saw it in my eyes that I’m gonna leave him forever? He started kissing my hand so tender and place it back again in his chest like he never wanted to let me go. Why now? Why is he starting to be sweet and loving when I’ve already made up my mind, I can’t go on with a relationship like that with him any further.

He said to me “Feel my heartbeat, you will know how much I really love you!” I was surprised with his words, and looked at him in the eyes to see maybe if there’s any doubt in his eyes. But his eyes are tied up on the street, so I looked away to hide the tears that wanted to drop off from my eyes. Long hard breath! What’s bothering me again? I wanted to tell him, please don’t do this. Why now, why now??? Oh God, I knew from my heart I was so inlove with him but I was already trying so hard to get over him, to forget him! Please let me go, please let me go! Thoughts unsaid. My heart was beating faster. Hands almost shaking. I remained still and anxious.

He pushed down the break to stop the car, we were already infront of the building where I work. “This might be the last time we will see each other again”, at last I’ve said the words before I got off from his car. He looked at me surprised or confused. Then I just said goodbye and got off the car. No explanations, no more other words. I just waved my hand to say goodbye and he hurriedly drove away. I couldn’t believe what I did. That’s it, I knew it… it’s the end of it.

A week after, he sent me text messages telling me he wanted to see me again… then he also tried calling me a few more times, I didn’t wanna take the call nor answer any of his text messages. One day, at work, I opened my email and got a message from him, he sent me email asking how I am and that he only asks as a friend and nothing more else. Then, at the end of the email he wrote his name with an indication below his name, “from the past”.

Since then, I never heard anything from him anymore. I tried moving on, met someone who helped me forget about him… he’s wonderful and nice, loving and sweet… enough to make me forget and never look back on the past. Well, telling about him is another part of the story…

Thoughts are forever, memories never last, feelings may or may not fade, people we love sometimes leave and go back… that’s life! Sometimes we try to understand its mysteries. We try to make our fantasies real with dreams, we put our thoughts in writing to let them stay there or to release our deep emotions… to make us feel better, relieved or even worse. But in the end, we realize some things are still unexplainable. Tears drop, laughters blow in the air… life has to go on.

Daz Island Cove

P.S. This story had been written only to inspire, whether or not this is real, who knows… and who cares, anyway?

What is your mood today? Are you in-love? Are you in grief? Are you having a great time, or a bad time? Your reaction on the story depends on your mood. I found this story on my notes which I wrote few years ago.  There are no revisions, perhaps just some typographical errors and an additional photo:). I just wonder how people react when they are in-love and when they are not. Anyway, please let me know if you enjoyed it. If not, I still would love to hear your feedback. Good or bad…

Captioning Fehmarn

 Fehmarn, known as Germany’s 3rd biggest island, located at the Ostsee (Eastern Coast) of Schleswig-HolsteinGermany. The island, famous for its nature and recreation areas. It is also well known for its Windsurf and Kitesurf spots. Together with my friend, I am lucky enough to have taken these wonderful photos. 

DSC_3332Three buildings in a row…

Where shall you go?

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Take a closer look..

So I may have to know.
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Go on, keep looking until you find your right spot

Nice places like this are few and far between

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Up in the sky

Where birds go fly

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The only comfortable place to go

Sometimes is being alone or yet with you
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When your goal seems to be pie in the sky

In time with great effort you’ll sail through it.

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Even when the bright sun is  covered with heavy clouds

Go out and let your hair down.
DSC_3331These beautiful sights of Fehmarn

Will give you comfort and ease
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DSC_3402Discover its’ beauty, fresh and cool atmosphere

It’s good for the soul, so nourish every second of it
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Whether for family or friends

Simply a perfect place to be

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Below are more photographs taken by me. All in one day, I’ve managed to shoot them in less half an hour. Some of the shots might not be perfect but I tried to choose as much as possible the nicer ones and at least it will give us a perfect idea of how nice the island really is.

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For more information about Fehmarn, you may click the link (or copy and paste the link) below:

http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fehmarn

Dating my Daughter at Beach Club.

It’s nice to write and to live, because of the beauty that life has to offer.

It was 32-35 degrees. Sunny and nice on a Saturday afternoon. Everybody was out. Which means, I was alone with my daughter at home.  I had actually been thinking about going out with friends, but since nobody was available, I planned a day out with my 5 years old daughter. When I told her to get prepared, she was hesitant as she was so busy watching TV at grandma’s. “Where are we going?” she asked curiously. “We’re going to Beach Club”. She looked at me like she really has no idea where it is. My daughter speaks German and little English, so the word Beach Club is actually not familiar to her. We’ve been there almost every summer, except I guess last year, so she probably already forgot it. So, I answered her curious look: “Just get prepared, you will love it there”. I turned her over her bathing suit to wear it and put her cream all over her body. Her face looks to me like she was already starting to have an idea about where we’re going. Then I handed her beach toys and put them in a plastic so she could carry them, and she got really very excited. I have everything already packed, everything we needed… and so I was so excited just like her.

I drove all the way from our little home in Oldenburg to Beach Club, in Rastede (at the northern part of Germany or “Niedersachsen”). She started being impatient since she wouldn’t stop asking me when we’re actually finally there… until she fall asleep in the car. She was still sleeping when we arrived, so she did not notice how many times I drove around to find for the right parking place. It was full… like everybody comes here every weekend. So I woke her up and she got up and stood with smile on her face. This time she was patient while we were walking all the way to the beach. She didn’t mind the distance we had to walk. We fall in line to pay for the entrance. We finally got in and it was hard to find for the right place to build our tent, so I got a spot at the far right side of the beach.

beach club pavillon

 It was full, obviously a hang-out place for everyone especially on a nice sunny weather. From far, I could still get a view of the Pavillon with a bar and we could still hear John Legend’s most famous song “All of me”. It was played almost repeatedly and so I could say, it was simply perfect:)

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It’s not just once a while that you get this nice sunny weather. This little girl uses all the time she got to enjoy the day. Run here, run there, fall through the water, laugh and swim. Walk through the sand and sit right through it with her long legs stretched, feel the sand through her.

Witnessing all of these, fulfills my longing to see how wonderful life still has to offer. Her happiness and enjoying the flow of the water from the sea, the natural coldness of water doesn’t matter, because the heat of the sun balances it all. Now she lays down on the sand, it is indescribable feeling looking at her like that.

Mama, can you please cover me with sand?
Mama, can you please cover me with sand?

At first I didn’t know if she was really asking, she started covering her feet with sand while I was watching her doing it. She was enjoying it. I was busy with my camera so I said “Oh dear, I’m sure you can do that better than mama… can’t you?” It didn’t take her long and she managed to cover herself alone with sand. Then she laid down, closed her eyes and enjoyed the warmth of the sand over her body.

Fresh air, nice sunny weather, it just seems to be everything's perfect.
Fresh air, nice sunny weather, it just seems to be everything’s perfect.

“Can we stay here overnight?”

A question she actually wished. I could only answer her with a laugh. As if she has read my mind, she started convincing me not to leave yet.

No, dear… we finally have to go home now.

I didn’t want her to get disappointed, but I finally said the words “go home”.  If you actually ask me, too… I didn’t wanna leave either.

“Mama, don’t you see how comfortable it is here?”

It’s 7pm and the sun still shines through us. Our tent  was still standing.

Our tent from a distance
Our tent from a distance

She goes back to the water and enjoys its coldness again. But it all doesn’t matter. She’s having a great time and I am so happy we did this. Next time would surely be different, but I definitely wanna spend another day like this with her again someday.

I still wanna see the sunset so I could still photograph it. But as a mother with big responsibilities, it’s just another quote of saying “better next time”. Goodbye Beach Club for now, see you again soon whenever and wherever this next time is:)

Call it a day! We went home very happy. I was contented. It’s not like the first time we’ve been together, but it was like an achievement that I did a great job bringing her there. It was like a great decision to be alone and experience what it is like to be alone with a daughter. Honestly, it was like our first date. I never thought I would be very happy seeing just how happy she was on that day. What a day… Happy daughter… happy mom:)

Simply Beautiful

If we speak of rose, we mean of a flower that brings beauty to the eyes.
If we speak of rose, we mean of a flower that brings beauty to the eyes.

 

The Captured Roses from our Garden. It’s symbols and meanings:

rose pink

Pink rose, a symbol of grace and elegance. A simple way of showing happiness, sweetness and thankfulness. Very feminine like. There is always joy and gratefulness hidden behind a pink rose. A simple rose that expresses admiration and aspiration.

rose yellow copy

Yellow rose that symbols infidelity and undying love in German culture. It symbolizes friendship, caring, joy and welcome or to welcome someone back. Perfect for new mothers and friends. When I look at yellow roses, they just simply brighten up my day, relieve me from stress and ease my mind. It simply gives joy and lets me forget my worries. Yellow roses are simply adorable, a perfect choice to brighten up one’s day.

 

 

There should really be something on this beautiful rose.

White Rose.  A symbol of purity and innocence. White roses come in different shades, from pure white to ivory shades. White rose is a perfect choice for bridal ceremonies.

In the picture is a white rose with shades of yellow or pale yellow should I say. There is actually something on this beautiful rose from our garden… not only that it is the biggest rose  as compared to the other roses that grew on the same stem, it is one really eye-catching and a favorite spot of the bees  to sip nectar with among all others. As seen on the picture, I just caught a bee on this beautiful rose sipping nectar. I also noticed that the bee kept coming back on the same rose. So, if there is something to sip it’s nectar with, you will find it on this rose.

Red rose from the garden

Red Rose from the Garden. A symbol of love and fidelity.

What is a rose without a red rose? If there is a yellow, white and pink rose, then a red rose should not be missed. Not only that it brings color in life but it also gives inspiration. Remember the red rose chosen by mostly men to give to their loved ones? It is because a red rose is a flower of choice that simply means “I love you”.  A rose that shows affection, a flower that has an allure that is always hard to resist.

Rose Teary Leaves

If you pick a rose, don’t forget the leaves, because they are most lovely when it comes with nice green leaves. Just always remember to be careful when touching them, because however beautiful and irresistible the roses are, they always come with thorns:)

Letter For my Child on her 5th Birthday

I just wrote my child a letter on her birthday, even if she can’t read it yet, I am sure someday when she can… she would at least know there is something really special about her when she was little. I know I wouldn’t be able to write her the same message I just did when she would be 6 or 7 or 8 and throughout the years to come. This is also my only way of expressing the deep emotions she has brought me all these years… and I am hoping that someday, she would be grateful that we have each other:)

For my lovely daughter,

You are 5! I can‘t believe it! It‘s your first 5 and even if it‘s your 2nd or 3rd, or whatever it is… the feeling is always there… it is always „love“, and each day you grow… it also grows stronger! The neverending love a mother has on her child is always unexplainable, lasting, and forever!  Now, you are 5… I am more than happy for the years that have passed and the years that you would still encounter. It is amazing how I try to reminisce those nice happy moments with you. As I look at the pictures, it brings me back to memories and I could not help but cry… not just because of joy but because of the things you have brought me into this life. Yes, I couldn‘t have struggled this playing world without you. You taught me a lot of things… you made me strong and you made me complete.

Thank you for those wonderful years with you… those first sweet cries, the amazing looks and gentle touch when you were first born… it made me whole. My dear, when you were newborn, nobody could stop you from crying until the nurse laid you down by my side… it was unbelievable how it stopped you from crying just there laying down beside me.

It was really amazing! From your very first days up to the first time you walked, you were so happy you finally could stand and walk alone on your own feet. You almost walked everywhere around the room like you were already learning to run.

Until the very first day you finally said your first words: „Mama!“ It hit my heart really deep… a really deep feeling I couldn‘t really explain… but one thing is for sure… it was something I have to be proud of.

You are special because YOU are YOU. You love to learn and explore new things. You are smart, not just because you know things but also because you exhibit a wisdom and wit far beyond your years. Your early age at 2 without diaper, learning to bike alone at 3, Inliner at 4, Swimming without vest at 4… and much more… You taught me things… some things parents don‘t just normally learn from the child but also those things which I haven‘t learned at my age… and that you kept amazing me of what a child like you can do at young age. You are strong… very strong… there is no doubt about that. You are never scared about anything and you always try to manage not to cry whenever it‘s not necessary. You never give up whenever you want to learn and do some things. You always make friends wherever you go. You are loving. Even if some people turn their backs on you, you didn‘t care. You just know how to love. You are silly… you make jokes even they sometimes don‘t make sense but I am thankful because you could at least bring me sometimes into laughter. You are industrious. You keep your room tidy (of course sometimes whenever told), and I am so relieved you could already help me out of the household. Although I have to do most of the work, you show willingness to help. You are beautiful, not just from the outside but also from within. You love animals, not to mention your grandma‘s bird you feed most of the time, the dog from our neighbour you kept hugging and the cat from mom‘s friend that you kept following. Aside from that, you also love babies… and little kids, which shows how a great sister you really are and can be. Even your baby dolls are well being taken cared of. You love me the most… remember when I told you, I love you… Zoe, then you answered me with I love you more, Mama. I was surprised and I told you I love you even more… but you never give up telling me you even love me hundred thousands more!You are simply amazing!

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Each day you grow up is worth remembering. If only I could record every second of your growing-up I would do that, but this I know… is always in my heart. You are precious and I love you just the way you are. Now you are 5, there is nothing in this world I could wish for but a healthy, happy long life. Happy Happy 5th Birthday to you, my beloved Zoe. I love you so much more than I could ever explain…. 🙂

Love always,

Mama

 

Deep Within

I smile, I laugh, I cry…

So many questions remain still why…

Thoughts within remain unsure,

But I know at least I have to try.

I’ve travelled and discovered

A lot of people trying to survive,

Slaves from our own that’s what we are.

Tell me if you are not,

Then I am sure it is a lie.

The truth about self lies within.

We do things we don’t want to do,

Even do things far beyond than what we could.

And even if we hesitate we cannot refuse,

Because we know there is more…

This life has to offer, it’s invincible.

We grab anything even beyond our wildest dreams.

There is something inside we cannot hide,

That is why we search and ask…

I, myself… have never-ending question marks,

But there is only one thing I am certain of…

“Never give up”…

Soon enough they will be answered.