“Thoughts About the Past”
My Journal
Thoughts About the Past
Summer 2007
Have you ever thought about writing a story about your real life and just as when you start thinking about how you want it get started, you’ll never get to the end point? I’ve always dreamed about having my story read in a book but never got the chance.
Well, how about starting with a goodbye kiss? Interesting, isn’t it? Here’s how it goes…
He was driving me off for work when he grab my left hand with his right hand and placed it sweetly and softly in his chest. I knew from the time before he took my hand that it’s gonna be the last time I would ever see him again… even if I wanted to, I have to make it last. He probably noticed my long hard breathes and saw it in my eyes that I’m gonna leave him forever? He started kissing my hand so tender and place it back again in his chest like he never wanted to let me go. Why now? Why is he starting to be sweet and loving when I’ve already made up my mind, I can’t go on with a relationship like that with him any further.
He said to me “Feel my heartbeat, you will know how much I really love you!” I was surprised with his words, and looked at him in the eyes to see maybe if there’s any doubt in his eyes. But his eyes are tied up on the street, so I looked away to hide the tears that wanted to drop off from my eyes. Long hard breath! What’s bothering me again? I wanted to tell him, please don’t do this. Why now, why now??? Oh God, I knew from my heart I was so inlove with him but I was already trying so hard to get over him, to forget him! Please let me go, please let me go! Thoughts unsaid. My heart was beating faster. Hands almost shaking. I remained still and anxious.
He pushed down the break to stop the car, we were already infront of the building where I work. “This might be the last time we will see each other again”, at last I’ve said the words before I got off from his car. He looked at me surprised or confused. Then I just said goodbye and got off the car. No explanations, no more other words. I just waved my hand to say goodbye and he hurriedly drove away. I couldn’t believe what I did. That’s it, I knew it… it’s the end of it.
A week after, he sent me text messages telling me he wanted to see me again… then he also tried calling me a few more times, I didn’t wanna take the call nor answer any of his text messages. One day, at work, I opened my email and got a message from him, he sent me email asking how I am and that he only asks as a friend and nothing more else. Then, at the end of the email he wrote his name with an indication below his name, “from the past”.
Since then, I never heard anything from him anymore. I tried moving on, met someone who helped me forget about him… he’s wonderful and nice, loving and sweet… enough to make me forget and never look back on the past. Well, telling about him is another part of the story…
Thoughts are forever, memories never last, feelings may or may not fade, people we love sometimes leave and go back… that’s life! Sometimes we try to understand its mysteries. We try to make our fantasies real with dreams, we put our thoughts in writing to let them stay there or to release our deep emotions… to make us feel better, relieved or even worse. But in the end, we realize some things are still unexplainable. Tears drop, laughters blow in the air… life has to go on.
P.S. This story had been written only to inspire, whether or not this is real, who knows… and who cares, anyway?
What is your mood today? Are you in-love? Are you in grief? Are you having a great time, or a bad time? Your reaction on the story depends on your mood. I found this story on my notes which I wrote few years ago. There are no revisions, perhaps just some typographical errors and an additional photo:). I just wonder how people react when they are in-love and when they are not. Anyway, please let me know if you enjoyed it. If not, I still would love to hear your feedback. Good or bad…
