A Little Break

Yesterday was a long flight, flying from Hamburg, I was walking at a long path of London Heathrow airport. I had a 3 hour stop and I used all the time to just walk around while waiting for my gate to open.

While I was walking around, my thoughts were somewhere, my heart still felt heavy.

I remember when I was driving for work yesterday and suddenly I just burst into tears. Then I was sitting at the front of my computer at work, I noticed some flashbacks. The pain is forever there… I could hardly concentrate from work and I was close to telling my chef that I needed a rest… but hey.. just few hours before my off, I had to be patient.

Finally on my way back home, it was like the same morning when I just burst into tears.

I can’t just take the pain away, it hurts so much deeply, as if it was cutting my heart and leaving a big scar in there.

Seeing myself sitting for a pause, I didn’t realize how long it took me walking around the huge and crowded waiting area of London Heathrow.

Now I am back to myself, trying to feel what I am feeling… but it was empty… as if I’ve already cried all the tears as if I left my country and also already leaving my past behind.

A new hope was built inside of me. I think it’s a really good start for me to have some time to think… and make a brand new start.

This is all I needed… a few weeks away, a little break, a little time. This is the moment I know I wanted to get myself back… and I am hoping, really hoping that this moment will help me never ever to look back.

Advertisements

Thank you 100 Followers

Hey guys! I would like to take this opportunity thank all my 💯 followers… it was just recently when I noticed it because I didn’t really pay much attention to it… so guys I really thank you, I know 100 is not really much, most of you probably already have thousands, but please keep on following! I’m looking forward for more posts and really great interactions… from the bottom of my heart I really thank you😍🥰🥰🥰

What’s Holding You Back In Making Your Dreams Come True?

My drafts were kept drafts for years. My life got stuck in a complicated world, my life turned mess. I’ve travelled many places but never found myself. I got lost to where I belong.

It’s been quite a long time since my last blog and I regret not giving myself a little time to write.

At this point of time, I am feeling ashamed of myself, for being me not being able to be what I should be, for being a person who has nothing to brag about but failure.

The truth is, there is something deep inside me that always bothers me, something inside me that is afraid to tell, to open up and to talk about. I am lost, I moved and travelled places but still I am lost within. I can’t bring my sufferings and tears out, nobody understands anyway. I can only scream inside and keep my tears to myself.

I am not a person of perfection, well I’m sure nobody is and nobody was. People see me like how they wanted to see me, and I see people very far from my distance. I see things as dark as my innermost grievances. I am nobody, I can’t be the person people expect me to be, I can’t go on living like everything seems to be well while it’s not, because deep inside me is a spirit that’s about to surrender, yet a fighting spirit that wants to move on. Yes, there’s one thing that keeps me from moving on, my dreams.

So alright I have my dreams. I guess it’s actually my dreams that made me nobody now, a dream that made me stumble, to stand again and fall, to keep trying and fall, to hope and to give up, to dream but to lose. Because of this, I was close to depression not being able to live my dreams, or maybe I am already there but a part of me won’t accept it. The truth is… I almost forgot the most important things in my life, my family, me being as a mother, or being a wife, and the responsibilities of both being a wife and a mother. Actually I’ve almost given up everything, I blamed everything or everyone around me, because the world isn’t fair, the people around me made it more difficult for me, or probably it was just me or what’s within me… me not being able to find myself time, or me thinking too much and doing nothing, or me just always blaming myself. I hate myself for this, but I can’t let my dreams just dreams. This is why I escaped myself from reality and rest my worries and fears in the air. At the depth of my thoughts ends a realization that there is nothing on earth that could save me but myself.

Despite all the obstacles, I am learning to cope my failures. I’m still trying hard to move on and live up with my dreams. I try as much as possible to give time for myself and think about what I really wanted to do in my life. At my age, I haven’t really done much to fulfill my dreams, but there were times when I really wanted to start doing things that I really wanted to do but obstacles always come along the way. Mothers don’t really have much time for themselves, because like me, I invested too much time for my child, not knowing I was forgetting my own.

And so is the reason for this blog, to reach out and probably inspire someone like me to go on and keep dreaming but also do something to make that dream real. A part of me says it has to start now, not yesterday, not tomorrow but now… or you will end up regretting not doing anything to make that dream come true… because if there is an opportunity, it has to be now. So if you are like me, please try to set aside all the things that’s holding you back, try sacrificing and live that dream you always wanted to, and if you fail, stand up and try again, you’ll end up realizing “at least you tried”… and the next time you’ll try, you “know” what to do… so keep trying, but keep moving, don’t give up because there is always hope.

One day you will see, you’ll be sitting with that dream you’ve always dreamed about.

So let’s start now, we’ll do it together.

Someday You’ll See

Just let me fall

Take everything all

Until nothing is left

Even my last breathe

My lost maybe your victory

But one day when I am gone

Someday you’ll see

Your biggest regret in life

When I am nowhere to be found.

Rügen, Germany

It wasn’t long time ago when me and my family visited Rügen (or Ruegen), a biggest island in Germany located located at Baltic Sea. It was just a 3-night visit, but I would say it was worthwhile. For some reasons, I’ve started writing about our tour here but at some point, I never got to an end-point.

I was at the midpoint of my ups and downs, but this tour has just refreshed the inner side of me.

The island of Rügen is part of the district of Vorpommern-Rügen, with its county seat in Stralsund. The towns on Rügen are: Bergen, Sassnitz, Putbus and Garz. In addition, there are the Baltic seaside resorts of Binz, Baabe, Göhren, Sellin and Thiessow.

Rügen is very popular as a tourist destinationbecause of its resort architecture, the diverse landscape and its long, sandy beaches.

You will find some photos below, I think the pictures say it all, as it has never been easy describing how such lovely this place this is.

Sellin, Rügen

The Ostseebad Sellin is a municipality on the island of Rügen in Mecklenburg-Western Pomerania. The municipality in the district of Vorpommern-Rügen is managed by the office Mönchgut-Granitz, located in the municipality of Baabe.

Ostseebad Sellin

You will see some dark spots on the sand, as on the photo above, it’s where experts of Stone hunters searched for Amber- the “Gold of the Baltic Sea”.

Amber is a fossil, fossilized resin that was secreted by coniferous trees in the Baltic Sea area about 40 to 50 million years ago. Under exclusion of oxygen, resin was preserved and solidified in layers of brown coal age – it was amber.

The amber has a low density, it is light and soft, so it is taken by the ocean current. Therefore, the distribution is very wide-ranging. There are various forms, these were caused by the different toughness of the resin. The color depends on the radiation of the light when it leaves the tree.

Amber is easily confused with other stones. To determine if it is amber, the stone is lit. In a positive sample, the stone burns very bright. That’s why he got his name.

Sellin, Rügen

The first place we visited in Rügen after Breege was Sellin, for me the place was very quiet but perfect for those who are just simply trying to relax and enjoy the air, sand, and water.

Sellin, Rügen

Binz, Rügen

Binz, Rügen

Binz is perfect for those who loves to shop, there are also a lot of selected nice shops and restaurants just around a few meters away from the sea. It was easier for us to find some nice Restaurants in Binz than in Sellin.

Sellin, RügenInside National Park

King’s Chair of the Jasmund Peninsula (Königstuhl) view from National Park

King’s Chair of the Jasmund Peninsula (Königstuhl)

The Königsstuhl or King’s Chair is the best-known chalk cliff on the Stubbenkammer in the Jasmund National Park on the Baltic Sea island of Rügen and lies at 118 m above sea level.

Bunkers can still be found during the World War II at Putgarten

Kap Arkona View from the top of the Tower in Puttgarten.

Cape Arkona or Kap Arkona in Germany, is a 43 meter high, consisting of chalk and boulder clay steep coast on the peninsula Wittow in the north of the island of Rügen. The area monument Kap Arkona belongs beside the fishing village Vitt to the municipality Putgarten and is one of the most popular excursion destinations on Rügen with annually about 800,000 visitors.

Tower at Kap Arkona

We went to the top of this Tower to see the nice view of Kap Arkona in Putgarten.

Kapitäns Häuser, Breege (where we stayed for 3 nights, at the back of this house is a nice overlooking view of the sea.

Port of Yachts in Breege

Breege

I just spotted this small house while we were strolling around Breege to look for some nice restaurants around.

Stralsund, RügenWe dropped by at Stralsund on our way back home and visited this small lovely city.

Panoramic View of Stralsund

Not only did I enjoy our short stay in Rügen, but also driving at a no-speed limit area (reachjng 200 kms. per hour) made our Journey fun!

You may check it out here:

Driving 200 kilometers per hour in Germany

Christmas Party with friends

This marks one of the most important day in my life. Celebrating yearly Christmas party with friends and loved ones, knowing each other even more deeply than one could ever imagine, a kind of friendship we all know somebody stands by our side, a friend who listens and understands us… patiently, and accepts us for what we are💪🏼😅, friends who are still there and spend time with you even when you are down in the dumps, laugh with you, cry with you, fight for you and tell you the things you don’t want to hear because you simply need to hear it and realize it for yourself you made a mistake, and most importantly to say sorry because you really are, because despite everything you’ve done, there is always someone out there who accepts you just as you are. There is no need to say those words, simple gestures, simple look, simple smiles, simple touch, a simple hug, you realize you are loved. A kind of friendship nobody could break because even if you try to, it will only make that friendship stronger… together😃😜, I think that’s the essence of spending this Christmas party with friends whom you now consider as your family in a country where all of you were once a stranger and turned this place to your new home. I would like to thank all my true and real friends from the bottom of my heart, thank you for all the laughter and the tears, thank you all… for all the memories☺️😃 it will always remain in my heart.

To all my friends with love, DaZ

P.S. Each year we have our theme, and our chosen theme for this year was Cowgirl.

If you like to see how we celebrated our Christmas Party, please check this 20 minute video link I posted on youtube below:

Einzige Hoffnung

Deutschland ist mein Land

Philippinen ist mein Heimat

Soll es andersrum sein

Will keine vielleicht glauben

Mein ganzes Leben lang

habe ich in Deutschland verbracht

In Deutschland habe ich geheiratet

und habe mein Kind geboren

Bald ist sie schon erwachsen

Ich aber langsam werde alt

Das macht aber nicht,

so lange bin ich noch am leben

und meine Familie glücklich sind

Meine Heimweh spielt keine Rolle

Denn in mein Vergangenheit

zurückzukehren kommt nicht in Frage

Meine einzige Kraft, mein Kind

Was wäre ich, ohne dich?

 

 

Saturday, Week 45

My day starts today with green Tea flavored with Vanilla in my favorite cup😍. The aroma of the tea, hmmm delicious sweet Vanilla freshens up my body and soul, energizes my tired and stressed days of work over the week. So to start my Saturday, I woke up early at 7am (which is not my normal wakeup hours during the weekend), stretched up a bit and started cleaning the room of our two guinea pigs at home before giving them food, and now I am ready to drink my tea. What is waiting for me ahead? Well, it will be an exciting day for me today to go out with my daughter and enjoy our weekend with some friends, chill out and wind up, I’ll relax a bit, read my book while she enjoys swimming. What about yours? Hope you’ll also all have a nice one. Happy weekend everyone🥰

Join In The Fun! Join In The November 2018 Tea Party!

Join In The Fun! Join In The November 2018 Tea Party!

https://thelittlemermaid09.wordpress.com/2018/11/01/join-in-the-fun-join-in-the-november-2018-tea-party/
— Read on thelittlemermaid09.wordpress.com/2018/11/01/join-in-the-fun-join-in-the-november-2018-tea-party/

-sharing this @thelittlemermaid09

Life demands a payment

There’s no such thing as free lunch- life is not a gift, it is an investment. – John Maxwell

Remember that in everything we do, at work – accomplish things for your boss; at home- do all household work for the family; friends-staying by their side, we invest in life, we learn that there is nothing we could accomplish in life without investing first.

Even our life, we owe it to God. We live to do something about it, to value it, to be productive, to be remembered, and not to waste it. One day when we are gone, only the things we invested remain, our life we surrender, our body goes back to ashes.

img_1565

Photo by: Daz on DaZ Journal, © 2018

A Mother’s Wish…

While checking on Instagram, I have read a post from someone I actually don’t know. It caught my attention because I saw it’s a mother who needs help for her baby. It breaks my heart to see babies suffering and surviving for life. I know there is nothing I could do but there is at least maybe something I could do to help. If this also touches your heart, please help and share. Again, I don’t know them, I just sent the mother a message to ask how the baby is doing, and found out the baby is still under treatment from Sepsis and Pneumonia. As of now their bills already went up to Php359,060.00 or an equivalent of USD6,705.00. I have linked the contacts of the persons below (mother and father of the baby) in case you need to prove their identity:

You may personally contact them here:

Leah Beck Caparas on Facebook (Messenger)

Jad Pao Santos on Instagram

Below you will see attached bills for hospitalization and medication, and the original post I’ve read (which also includes all the details to help them):

Any questions or comments are welcome, or you may direct you concern to the mother or father of the baby, as I’ve indicated above. I thank you all in advance for any help.

Are you who you think you are?

Illustration by: DaZ Journal,  Copyright © 2018 ThinkingWoman?

First impressions never last. It’s true, but what makes people think we are a kind of person they think of? What makes us different anyway? How could we change how people think about us? The thing is, it is difficult to change how people think about us when they already had the impression of what we really are. Sad to say, most people judge a person by its cover, basically on how the person looks, or the way a person walks, dresses, talks, and eat. It’s basically a misconception on how every person is judged on first impressions.

But we can make a difference. Sometimes, it’s just by looking in the eye. Because what you see and how you feel reflects on your eyes. But the big question here is, are we really that kind of person that we think we are? Can we make a good impression on someone to make us think of the kind of person we want them to think us to be?

I was a silent girl on my younger days, and people judged me of being shy. I was actually shy as a kid, although I have tried to change that personality over years, I always still got the impressions of being shy from most people. These years, whenever I meet new people, I am not a shy person anymore, but as it turns out, people still judge me sometimes for being a shy one although I tell I am not. I think this personality from my younger years already reflected in my entire personality that I sometimes think to myself I maybe still am that kind of person. You see, I still have this kind of thinking that I couldn’t get rid of and so it reflects on my personality.

It takes a lot of effort to make an impression to someone of being someone you wanted others to see but it takes more effort to change that impression to someone. So try to examine yourself for a while and think, what kind of person are you really are? Remember, what you think you are is what you are. What you think of yourself is what others also see.

Will you forget the pain?

Crying over the Pillow Woman1So I am crying like hell again, crying out loud until I could wipe you away with my tears. And I promise to write until my words stab your heart deeply… until you realize the hell you have done to me. 

You may relate to this if you have read my previous blog: The End.

You may also follow me on Instagram and Facebook.

The End

IMG_1195

When a moment of our time comes if one has to decide either to stay or not, when both partners realize their relationship freezes, when one gets cold-hearted, until one has to make it end. When lovers go, when promises are broken, when there is nothing left but hope and the rest of the hope fades. When one cries out loud and no one hears.

Love failure. Relationship failure. Marriage failure. Broken Promises. Disappointment. Hopelessness. Sufferings. Pains. Illness. Sickness. Death. Whatever you call it. Nobody wants it.

The more we try to save ourselves from any failures, the more we punish ourselves by denying to ourselves that something is going to change.

I realize how difficult it is for couples to break up. It has never been easy. It’s like losing everything we’ve got. For me, it’s over. My neverending story has now come to an end.

Daz Island Cove

I often ask myself,  how did it just end this far? I was screaming inside. My heart and mind were asking for it. None of us is happy about what’s been going on with us. And I gave up. I just gave up like that, and still giving up.

Well, the more I deny it, the more I lie to myself. The more I feel bad about it, the more I pity myself. It was the time when I feel like everybody gives me a head and brows up high that I have to bow my head down enough to make me feel like my head’s already touching the ground. It’s never an easy feeling because these are the moments when all I wanted to do was to stand up from that ground and let people know “Hey… I am standing! I am OK! I am fine! You see, I’m standing and I’m alright” and even behind these unuttered words are my sufferings, my pain, and my “HOW” questions. “How am I going to be alright, when all my life, I’ve given to this man and this man broke my heart, like terribly, repeatedly, treated me like a fool, and took everything from me even the small respect I left for myself. How am I able to stand up again proudly… like nothing is wrong, as if nothing bad happens, as if no heart is broken. How?

One time I was talking with friends and I hear rumours like these people know exactly what I am going through! And I just tell myself, for God damn’s sake, it’s about my life they’re talking about. It’s my life! So what.. I know I shouldn’t mind what other people say about me, but I know for sure nobody would understand exactly the way that I feel, because they are not me, nobody knows who I really am, what I feel inside, even if they pretend to and say „hey I understand exactly how you feel“… and I say to myself, no, you don’t! Because if you do, I wouldn’t be hearing all these rumours at my back. Well, even if we are both on the same shoes that doesn’t mean you know exactly what I’ve been going through and what I still am going through. Everyone’s life is different in its own different ways.

I know I chose this life, and this isn’t what I wanted my life to be. I tried to save it, believe me, I did, it failed once and then I tried to save it again, like I did a couple of times without success but I’ve been doing it all over again with the best of my power to save at least the smallest chance left, but there is really nothing left but dust, footprints, and shadows. How can you save a broken piece when it keeps breaking? No matter how I tried to fix every small broken piece, it keeps just falling apart.

How can you heal a wounded heart and start all over again, when there is not even trust, respect or love left.

IMG_8248

At some point, some decisions have to be made. I haven’t made mine yet. Because I’m still a prisoner of my own…. and that makes me a coward, I know and I’m aware of that. I can’t move forward, because I’m not prepared to, and I didn’t want to face the reality. Even though people kept telling me to go on with my life so I could move on, it seems like there was no chance left at all, but this is my reality, you can’t force someone to do things that are not prepared or capable of doing, and that makes me sick. But I didn’t want it. It just happens, it was out of my hands and it’s driving me up to the wall.

I learned that in times of struggle, evil people could be around. I meant evil because whatever kindness you show people, there are a lot of people out there who sticks their nose and eyes and lips around. Not the nicer ones. But they’re everywhere. And so our life becomes miserable than it already was. I guess I am not alone in this world, people may not agree on all my thoughts and I don’t want to blame them for that.

The truth is there are times when you wanted to keep your privacy, and you don’t expect anybody to understand your personal intentions. So if you have friends who really wanted to be called your friends but eventually you lose them, I’m pretty sure that at the end of the day, the best one always stays by your side.

The dark side will soon come to an end, I was hopeful for that. It’s not every day that we have trials in life. Not all endings have to end without a meaningful reason. There is always a good reason why some things end. In order for us to start a new life. But it takes a lot of guts and energy to overcome a broken relationship, it takes time to prepare for the new life, only if you leave your past behind and think that the tomorrow waiting for you is better than “yesterday”.

Without losing hope, I stand still with head up high and there is light. A light that gives me hope, leaving me something in the back of my mind the effort to move on, and go ahead on my dreams. This is where I’ve come to this point stressing out the message that life begins when you first fall down the ground, then learn to stand on your own and see the true meaning of life.

https://www.facebook.com/dazjournal/

DazJournal, Copyright 2018

 

Budapest singing in my heart

Pick pick pick

Fingerpicking

Strumming up and down

Eyes closed

Lips singing

Hearts floating

Your body moves in

Every beat of it

All over the crowd

Glasses of wine cheering

While lips whisper the words:

“Because you’re mine I walk the line”

A Surprise Journey

Special day for two broken tied hearts

Sun hides underneath the heavy clouds

Wet roads burst while running car speeds up

As heavy raindrops splatter on the rooftop

Excitement arises when destination is a question mark

Road signs puzzle up getting closer or not

Buildings, Hotel, City, Harbor, Port and parking lot

Wheels parked, feet landed, sights at the ship on the dock

Clues and signs everywhere heart beats fast

While the ship says destination is Helgoland,

Eyes sparkle with smiles on the face, a dream comes true at last

This Germany’s smallest island in northern sea to be found

The island is reachable either with a plane or a ship

Hotels are everywhere, shops, restaurants, bar and a lot more

Whether to jog, swim or relax, never miss to see “Lange Anna

A day tour or overnight, it’s always worth a visit

Continue reading “A Surprise Journey”

The night

It was a night when drinking whiskey and fragrant grape based pomace slowly closes her eyes. Her head slightly drops down over her shoulder while the stars exposes itself behind the dark clouds and the starlight kisses her brown cheek a sad goodnight. Her body retires from a midnight crowd while the breeze of the air that surrounds her whispers a soft farewell to the moonlight.

Shattered 🙇‍♀️ 💔 🤦‍♀️

A silent mind bearing shattered memories

Heavy thoughts capture the past

A heart in grief breaks in pieces

And lonely eyes overflow with tears

Yesterday was a thousand miles to look back

Heavenly moments while young at heart

When body craves for a gentle touch

Warm embraces never to miss out

 

Dark clouds shimmered in the sunlight

Noisy laughs silenced the curious crowd

A real friend to trust, to touch and to hold

All worries and doubts fall out of sight

 

One single glimpse need not to say a word

Promises to keep no secrets to be told

Years and moments together when life was tough

Unbreakable trust built longer than enough

 

For one must go and bid a sad farewell

Yet distance won’t keep any bonds apart

When a missing piece is found, only time could tell

Two random lives no passersby could understand

Love spreads out and wilderness bear

Make dreams real, no doubt no fear

Life’s a gift wrapped with joy and wonder

Loneliness breaks with sweet cries and laughter

 

Life turns mess ruined by a mystery

A shattered dream, a hopeless reality

Leaves fall down and daylight wane

Nightmare sorrows and moonlight pain

 

Lost in the dark, mind overblowing in despair

Just cry out loud for nobody seems to care

Beneath those floody eyes are shattered dreams

Whispers of hope, anger burns in flames

 

Wounded once, wounded twice then all over again

Promises to keep fades away in vain

For a voice within yells in grief and sorrow

Look into the eyes and see no hope for tomorrow

 

Behind bitter smile’s an unuttered wish

Someday somewhere to find hidden happiness

Bring back the past to wipe away a tear

Til tears run out to take away the fear